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Sad
Tuesday, August 4, 20158:24 PM

I am so sad that i'll be leaving this place soon.
I fell in love and this kind of love is not good.

But life must go on. And when i go back home, the least i can do is write everything about my adventure in this amazing yet cursed land lol.
I hope i won
t procrastinate this time. Seeya





나는 예쁜 아니에요, 하지만 괜찮아
Wednesday, May 20, 20151:38 PM

... because i have greater future ahead of me :)





Nocturnal
Sunday, March 15, 20157:23 PM

It's almost 2am here in the UK. These days i couldn't really sleep well. But that's another thing. What really concerns me right now is my spine. I can't wait to go back to Malaysia and have my back braces re-done. The cost here in UK is so bloody expensive T_T

Following my previous post, i am really thankful that everything is over now. Alhamdulillah. Allah is great :') For now, i'm going for the holistic approach. Gotta start eating clean. It's funny how all of my friends eat clean to slim down, meanwhile i'm doing it for my acne. Sigh.. You people out there, cherish your skin please T_T If you're lucky enough to not have any acne problem, don't forget to thank God, haha (seriously tho)

One more week left till spring break (i think), so i gotta stay focus, Have to cut down my gaming hours >:( and STOP PROCRASTINATING. *smash table*

I'm not a library person, i love studying comfortably in my pajamas lol
But i also want a group study :( sigh, i hate how selfish i can be at times.

I'm not sleepy yet. Just had supper.. but i have to wake up early tomorrow. Volunteering at a cat shelter. Aahh, finally, a much needed therapy :3 the last time i went, three kittens shit on my hand.



But i still love them anyway, because, no matter how awful they treat me, i will always love animals lol (i kinda sound like a sadist.. ...) which reminds me,

I HAVE TO FINISH MY ANIMAL LAW COURSEWORK!

'till next taimmm~





Rants people don't wanna read. You have been warned.
Thursday, February 19, 20152:09 AM

Life has been torturing me for more than 10 days now. For those who never experience it, my swollen face is more than just swollen. It feels like i am being strangled. Okay maybe i'm exaggerating it a little, but really, it hurts. I don't think i look human at all. I can't even wear my headscarf/tudung. I have to lock myself in my room and from society.

It hurts. So bad that my face is oozing out some sort of liquid that smells like blood? Ok this one i'm definitely not making it up. I can't sleep because of it. I've always have a sensitive nose. I can even tell when people is bleeding, and i can even tell if one of my female friends is having her period. Sounds disgusting, i know, but it's true. So my nose is very sensitive to the smell of blood. Can you imagine, having your face smelling like blood all the time?

I wish i can upload a picture of my face condition right now, but it's too hideous and too disgusting to even upload. Like, who on the right mind would upload such picture of herself online right? lol

I lost weight. Before coming to the UK, i remember weighing myself and i weighed 48kg. Almost 50kg. But now i barely made it to 40kg. I have to wear layers of clothes and pants because i lack body fats to keep me warm. Also, my pants are getting loose. But thanks to this swollen blowfish face, i don't look skinny at all.

I want to cry. I want to let all these frustration out.
But i can't. Because if i do, my face will get even more swollen. And my already small, chinese eyes will get even more smaller. If i cry i'll make it worse. So every time i feel like crying, i force out a laugh or slap myself on the knee/thigh. Sigh.. living like this is so tiresome.

It's only been 10 days, but i've been through a lot thanks to these illness.

Another reason why i lose weight is because i can't eat properly. Even chewing is painful. It's so fucking depressing when you can't eat you know?

So far, 2015 sucks. Despite having to celebrate it in the UK, in London at that, i am still miserable.

That's the thing. My friends keep saying (and to this point, chanting) about how LUCKY i am.
Lucky. How laughable. If you people are in my shoes, none of you would've want to stay in it even for a minute. Too bad for me, i just have to woman it up and live this life.

My positive juice is running down low. And being so far far away from the comfort of family and home and cats, i don't think i can refill my tank. All i can do is keep praying.
And now, thanks to this disgusting condition, i can't even pray properly.

I don't know. They said, when you're sick, it's always because of God wants you to think of Him, God wants to cleanse you from your sins, and that He loves you. In that case, i guess i can stay positive a bit more longer, just for His sake.

Days are hard here. I asked for helped but everyone is busy. Well, i'm not blaming them. :/ I just happened to befriend with people who are busy all the time. lol

My appointment with the doctor is an hour away, and most probably i'll be admitted, according to the nurse. Another problem, money.
I wish i can stop being a burden to my parents now. sigh.. Not sure if i have the luckiest luck of having the most awesome parents ever, or that i am such a bad luck to the family.

Either way,
if anything goes wrong, just know that i still love everyone despite all this. haha
ok bai :)



London bridge is falling down~
Sunday, February 8, 20152:09 PM

Kidding, it's not lol.

It's already February 2015, and only now i have the time to blog about my London trip. Sigh.. i guess the procrastinating ain't that easy to stop. Anyway

Let the pictures blogging begin


It was almost 7 hours of bus ride from Newcastle to London, so we stopped for a while in Sheffield, and there were lots of snow <3



Spent the 1st night in London at a different hotel. Didn't do much that night because, well, who knew just sitting inside the bus is tiresome itself lol. 4 days in London and all i brought was that tiny bag. lol So used to travelling now that i managed to pack efficiently *pats self*


Also brought express food from home (newcastle is like my 2nd home now haha) to save money on food because stuff in London ain't cheap ya'll




Tower bridge was once just a wallpaper on my laptop haha

Yh insisted on taking "emo" picture..

Disturbing mary while she was talking to her bf lol



It was already New Year in Malaysia, but we were still watching the news about preparing the firework at London Eye

Light snack before heading to our destination


It was a very cold night and obviously crowded. There were lots of rude people but it's okay, i guess that's bound to happen when you're in that kind of gathering events. I was short, so standing in between tall people is not easy at all. I think there are times where people didn't see me at all lol but whatever lah. It doesn't matter, because when the firework finally lit up (after 5 hours of standing in the winter cold) the firework show was worth it. They synchronized the music and the firework sequence and the choice of music was pretty awesome too. (Although i still think Tokyo's firework was much much better even without the music. Because they're incredibly systematic!)

We went back home around 3am if i'm not mistaken, and all of us were tired. 
But the trip just started :)


The next day we walked around London for sightseeing

In the tube, finding some clues lel

Yep, went to Sherlock's street and visited the museum for a bit




Heading off to Madamme Tussauds!


Sorry Mr Salman, i just can't help it

With the madamme~

It's not a coincidence. I am Nick's colleague, but we're chasing Loki for 2 very different reasons lol (i wish)







Geng karas haha


I was sad that there weren't any Tom Hiddleston, but oh well T_T


Accidentally stepped on horse shit while taking this picture. A royal horse shit that is

The tube was almost never empty, this is proof we travel till late night hahaha

It's a dream come true <3 Hi There Big Ben







I love spooky looking trees








I love how posh these historical buildings looks. It's also freaky to think that a lot of people were sacrificed in the making of these jewels of the city

Just a dork. Moving along now..


I have zero sense of direction, so for the whole trip i was counting on these two to figure the way in and out of the city haha

Trafalgar square <3


Another dork

One thing i love about London is that there were lots of halal food and restaurants compared to Newcastle T_T 

Victoria station

Travel buddies for the day, again, because wl and xr went to go shopping on their own

Climbed the gates of the Buckingham Palace just to watch the change of guards

And yes, lots of people were watching the guards, and us. lol

I can't eat my bread in peace... birds here are too tame and friendly

After continuous rants, i forced these two to bring me to King's cross haha



Tada!

I was here!


Without shame.. suzai suzai..

After that we planned on riding the London Eye. And something i fear the most happened; I was separated from the two.. and i got lost.
I was supposed to get down on Leicester station from the tube, but there were too many people that i didn't manage to get off on time. I saw the terrified looks on the other two as the train started moving again. The people inside the train were all looking at me. LOL

However, having no sense of direction at all, it's only natural that i got used to getting lost all the time. So i was glad that i didn't panicked. (although my 3G suddenly stopped working) T_T

I asked around (millions of times because i really can't tell the way. i'm hopeless) but the people here are incredibly nice and polite :) Well, the patrons are at least :)

Even so, i realised that walking alone gave me more space and time for myself. 





Eventually i found our planned destination T_T and thank god i managed to do so before sunset, because my night blindness is another thing.

Shameless selfie 


Shamelessly asking strangers to take a photo of me lololol

I love this particular picture <3

And when i reunited with the others, we can't stop laughing about that incident. All is well hahaha

After buying the ticket, we sat outside in the cold (because the restaurant is packed with people who wanted the heater T_T) and we talked with an Italian girl, who claimed she hates Italian people. Oh well.. I guess we are all are somewhat similar? lol.


The view from London Eye


And then we travel some more around London despite the cold and we're running out of time to catch our bus haha




We made one last stop to St Paul's Cathedral, due to Mary's request :P




It was hauntingly beautiful. Especially when it was under the full moonlight that night.



Elephant and Castle :) The place where we stayed for most of our London trip. Not sure why it was given that name though.

We barely made it to our bus station. WE NEARLY MISSED IT. 
But i guess that's part of the thrill of the trip XD




5 years ago, it never crossed my mind that i will ever stepped into a foreign soil and be making memories along the way. Never knew i will ever be celebrating New Year in London. I still remember vividly this one morning during my high school days, where my parents turned on the TV and the London Eye and Tower Bridge was sparkling bright with firework. I remember thinking that "i will never want to be squashed in the middle of that crowd" 
HAHA IN YOUR FACE SUZAI (T_T)

 I learned a lot of lessons just from this trip alone. 
Definitely looking forward to the next trip :)